The stethoscope I cho'

I was bored to death in the clinic, so I took a seat and started to twirl my stethoscope. I was mesmerized by the motion of the chestpiece going round and round and round. As expected, an equally immature toddler also fell into the trance. So much s...o that he ran up to catch it. And, also as expected, it hit him straight in the leg. But on the bright side, no murmurs, gallops or rubs.

The metric units I cho'

I was about to weigh a 12-year old who said she must have lost weight because she danced all summer. I looked at her chart, which said she was 150 in june. When I told her she was now 135lb, she did a joyful moonwalk. Her mother then told me quietly... there must have been a mistake. I took another look - she was actually 150cm...and 118lb. As you can imagine, the smile was soon gone ... yet the pounds remained.

The lengua I cho'

A classmate (PK) and I were in the ED with an attending interviewing a 4 year old's mother. The interview was conducted entirely in Spanish, so I zoned out and started talking privately to PK in Hindi. The mother soon turned towards me and made a face. It was then I realized I was actually talking to PK in Spanish, and just said "my god that kid has a funny looking head.". Meanwhile, PK continued to stare at me blankly.

The slumdog I cho'

I opened the door to the examining room to find an excited 8-year old. My attending was ready to perform an echocardiogram, but the kid just kept staring at me. He told me that he knew me from before - perhaps saw me in a movie. Then, in the middle of imaging, he yelled out "YES! YOU WERE IN THAT MOVIE!" I asked which movie. He told me Slumdog Millionaire. Apparently, I look just like Dev Patel. Jai ho!

The super-sexy mamas I cho'

Me: if you could bring just one person to a desert island with you, who would it be?
Patient [with lightning speed]: Tyra Banks!
Me: Ok. Why's that?
Patient: because she's a super-sexy mama.
Me: Anyone else you'd want?
Patient [equally fast]: Haley Berry!
Me: Ok - how about someone you know? Family members? friends?
Patient: Ugh ... I don't want no ugly people on my island.

Some of us didn't have such a choice. ::sigh::

Choke I cho'

I was interviewing a patient and asked him what brought him here. He tells me, in a matter of fact way, that it was the police. He goes on to say that they choked him, and starts motioning to choke himself. Then looks at me. "Here, I'll show you how they did it", and starts bringing his hands toward me, in an attempt to choke me. "Um no, thats alright", I say. "You sure?". Oh yes, I'm positive.

The brush I cho'

I was interviewing an elderly patient (PT) who was just admitted. My attending asked PT questions, who stared at me while giving me “I want to sex you” eyes. I avoided her gaze. When it was my turn to ask questions, PT reached into a ziplock bag and pulled out a toothbrush. Interesting. PT proceeded to then comb her hair with said toothbrush, and continued to give ‘sex me’ eyes. I'm too sexy for my white coat.